Swinging Into Action
Because, why not.
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Without the Grapevine Gang, I might never have done a rope swing, swam in a river, later in the ocean (or is it the sea?), know the frustration of sulphur at vineyards, got addicted to the good sting (of bees I’ve unintentionally accidentally harmed), and been able to give and receive so many hugs.
Without her(u), there mightn’t be New Zealand; and without New Zealand, there wouldn’t be the time with the Germans, or the pumpkins at Southampton, so…
In the wise words of my favourite ginger German: no risk no fun
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Life takes you where you need to go Corliss :)
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And of course a shoutout to my absolute wonder of a ginger ninja brother friend who checked first the rope swing and tolerated me all the way to Lumsden, whereupon I’ve learnt and experienced the true security of having a friend whose hand I can hold and whose bottom I can pat (I’ve checked) hahaha.
Thank you all :)
The Sunrise
At Castlepoint, New Zealand. The experience, the adventure, of driving in near darkness behind a house on a moving truck, winding along windy roads (and I think I hit a ghost) all whilst hoping the navigational system doesn’t go kaput has taught me a great grand lesson of foolhardy courage, the importance of timing and nature, of chosen determination in the face of challenges and dangers (for e.g. strong strong winds and darkness) that I want remembered.
A journey taken with Maude (my four-wheeled buddy), that’s inspired by a friend made from Austria via a kayak experience, and with whom we together surfed down a sand dune and clinked imaginary glasses after scoping out for lighthouses and seals whilst listening to James Blunt and becoming a better driver (I was dangerous; I had thought the hump signs were ‘hats on roads’), some moments make a person; and I want this memory to continually embolden me to be better.
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Her favourite song’s Skinny Love by Bon Iver, and she notices always the tiny stick people in my drawings and doodles. In order to have our adventure, I had to ride a night bus to Wellington and let me note down in black and white, how memorably freezing that ride was for me.
Ten out of ten won’t want to experience it again and yet, I’m better from it~
An honorable mention to Karoline with big dreams and a beautiful heart. You inspired me to knit with your mentions of the numerous sweaters you’ve accomplished and yes yes, I have completed a scarf entirely motivated by someone else but what matters is how you told me firmly, comfortingly once when I had that sleep paralysis almost nightmare that: you promise, monsters aren’t real and that I will be safe in the dark
You didn’t have Fish and Chips that day with me and Sarah because you were a little under the weather but I do remember you both fondly because of both your kindness and how lovely it was that you both wanted to meet again with me before y’all headed home. It was Maude’s (though not yet named Maude or by me owned) first drive — to Picton and then Blenheim, and then again back.
We had pizzas and,
I always felt at home :)
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I was taught (a little) Danish
Friends who,
taught me lessons important
Friends who, very honestly, made it easier and possible for me to get over her(u), to have moved on from the chapter of her(u) because of what they’ve both in me stirred, reflected, and allowed for harvest.
Christina showed me my tendency for reliance, and an unsettling inability to hold myself together where there be distance; and my ginger ninja brotherly friend reminded me that I do tend to make it difficult for others to grow, to learn, what with my helping them out with every task possible if within my means and radius. I was both the toxic needy friend and an overbearing presence even when I had left New Zealand. Christina named the car Maude, and I fell immediately for her accent. We crossed paths because I was coming back from across the road after paying my rent. Good timing, I hope. // Maude has since, broken down by the side of the road, the last I from Christina was informed. She’s bad with responding to messages and I do miss them both.
And Maren, she shared with me love; she taught me to love.
She gave me a home and a place to be nurtured, an environment to grow and heal.
Of course, we hit a snafu but she became a spirit kindred, and
I grew to know and am able now to choose happiness of my own.
Even if it means distance and absence.
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There were many women in New Zealand, many sproutings of never gonna happen romances and, they were all platonic lessons. They were, they are all, wounds to the heart that have prepared me so well and so much for the closure that was to come. I returned to Singapore believing still, that you(u) are the one. You were, you might have been but I had traveled the country of sheep and honey, of wine and blue skies, with aim to get over you(u), with intention to either know different or to never return. But my father became ill and, I’m liberal with the names mentioned only because I think, I know, that I no longer deserve a place in their social circle so, anyone who is in connection with me will either know of them and be trustworthy enough to know and not spill or never really know of them beyond their names and graces.
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Grace - she was my across the room attraction, my keep her safe even in drunken stupor nearly got into a fight with a man from Chile infatuation; my someone proper mistook us for a couple and praised me for my of her acceptance, and my almost kiss which I would have quite frankly, been anyway by hurt; she is my seven, eight hour drive of a romantic gesture and my first actual blackout in a toilet. Possibly an interesting tale.
It’s extremely funny now, how Maren had spoken before she went home to her boyfriend and partner that I deserve someone better.
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I had left Singapore trusting only her(u); and I have since returned with a bigger warmer heart, still learning, but is definitely more willing and open to trusting, and to love kindly and generous.
Every little ache, was and is worth it — danke :)
Fletcher Bay
Meeting strangers kind, and they turning into friends who invite me over for dinner. People whom can cook over a makeshift fire are skilled survivors. Guides on an adventure to a hot water beach with shovels for digging holes in the cover of darkness; makers of possible for me to experience what it feels to be searching for something lost on the beach in the quiet dark and cold with a stranger. That long walk of not all that visible. That long stretch of knowing not quite where next to go. That not knowing and then to know. It’s growth to go deeper into the dark and to return, home. A picturesque sunset together observed. People good for the world, and humans who watch over each other. An example. And table tennis with actual humans.
Before meeting Robbie and Kat, Dave and Matt, I intended a hike and lost track of the directional signs. Climbed straight towards a shoreline that was about to experience a tide rise. // I am simply ignorant, and it’s not down to my city life. I will only understand and connect better with nature in Germany where I learnt to wonder in the quiet tranquil with feet in the river. New Zealand was for me about community, about people, of learning and knowing the feeling of being accepting, accepted, and filled with love both for and from, with and never without. //
I had to leave the stagnant of what I’ve always known to grow and my journey out there and beyond is made magical because of all the wonderfully kind people I’ve come to know.
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And Tigerhall’s been my most recent foothold. A community of colleagues, mentors, and friends, seeding new life and hopes, planting new possibles and paths when losing you(u) meant my center became a gaping hole.
A reminder for creativity in collaborations, of my game-maker days, of kindness and strength, the will and want and ability to care, and to cause an impact. The actual action of doing something that helps another.
Of purpose and love; a fitting eulogy left behind to heal. Of cheese-cube-wisdom. And boundaries important.
Tigerhall
It took a lot to get here: over her(u).
15 almost years, and it’s proper true: it’s May 5th 2020, 366 (365) days later after closure Sunday, and I’m no longer haunted or by the chapter hurt. I’m a free individual ready to experience Life through different lenses, and with changed (or expanded) suppositions and presuppositions.
I’m Corliss’ Corliss, my own person.
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And it took a lot to get here
that is very very true;
it took a lot too,
for her(u) to guide me here.
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Thank You :)
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It’s over now,
and I awake often with a smile :)
05052020, (0624)
//1:27pm
(had to proofread myself)